The Truth About Getting Old

 Nothing but the truth about getting old

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument the instant you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on # 5.

I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Why do Bad decisions Always make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you
know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of
the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don’t
want to have to restart my collection… again. I still have some cassettes in the drawer.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and
smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey –
but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men
to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies … Quit Laughing! )
It just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?

24 I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I
realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the
music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my
farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel
much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at
me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod (with ear piece)

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